you make me...

fade_away811 @ 2005-02-19T23:30:00

2005-02-20T04:33:48Z

haha i lied i am no longer updating this journal =)

if you love me though you will add my new user name ___x___broken and if i feel i can trust you i will add you back!

please <3

woo-hoo

2005-02-20T02:48:10Z

GOOD JOB TODAY GUYS!!!

q...tony...and anthony all got 1st
and matty got 4th

also wess got 4th =)

new journal

2005-02-16T16:39:31Z

i have another journal, but its only for the friends i trust and care about...no more of this open ended shit. ___x___broken

i will still however keep this one but i will only update in here when i can handle shit or when nothing is really going on in my life!=)

bitch...bitch...bitch REVENGE SUCKS!! what did i ever do to you??

2005-02-16T03:42:14Z

i love how people who read your journal take everything you say and turn it into revenge

around 5 i went to cristinas and then her daddy drove us to the swim meet around 5:35. i thought it was gonna be a w.o.n.d.e.r.f.u.l meet. however was i ever wrong =(....there wasnt enough timers so matt forced me and cristina to time. then we got one more timer and cristina didnt wanna time so she didnt, but i still made her stay with me. umm ok that was fine it didnt bother me that much that i had too time. its just that people there know too much shit about me. well hold on lets put it this way. when i write in my journal i am too open minded >:o honestly i need to think before i write, because "someone" took what i wrote to kevin and used it against me and deceided to flirt with him the whole damn meet. she knew it pissed me off too....tears started rolling down my face uncontrolling, but enough about that moment </3 i know i need to really start listening to people. i dont need kevin to be happy. however there is just something about him that i cannot let go of. :'( after the meet we went to coney and our plan was to sit with everyone well so i had thought. matt took control and deceided we sit away from everyone so i wouldnt be even more pissed off than i was (THANKS MATT). it then imediatley (sp) turned into story time with heather. ohh man i loved telling the story i was being forced to tell, but it seemed like no1 was really listening in the end so i am like whatever i am done. then markie came and sat by us =) man ohh man did i miss that kid. he probably doesnt really realize it, but i missed talking to him and he really did make my day a whole lot better! when i got home i talked to my g-ma for a bit because she had noticed something was wrong and i deceided to tell her the story....
i have learned that people are right. i should just learn how to listen, but i cant. kevin is ugly but i cannot see that damnit. i just wish i could, but have any of you ever noticed he looks like a monkey? ha maybe thats why...a monkey is my favorite animal=( damnit i hate love it hurts soo effin much. i say i turn leziban. honestly no guy can ever effin hurt me again. however girls have too much damn drama in their lives:'( so either way i am screwed and there or not many lezibans in this world any more. i just wanna be happy. the sound of your voice used to make me smile now it just wants to make me cry

I HATE YOU....i wish i could believe that =(

and for the lil bitch that turned what i said into revenge you are off my effing "friends list"...>:o

i'm down for a one night stand =)

2005-02-15T19:12:48Z

ya practice was ok...i was really hyper at first, but then i got kinda tired. coach syswerda (sp) is honestley the funniest guy i know!natalie i loved reading your magazine at practice lmao!!! nothing much is really happening right now!! in like 3 hours though i am gonna go to cristina's house and her daddy is then gonna take us up to the swim meet <3. YAY i am soo excited. then after the the meet i think i am going to coney with the team. haha technically i am not really invited, but i am gonna go with cristina and matt so kiss my ass x.o. if anyone has a problem with it. =)
i really dont wanna watch diving though. it effin creeps me out. i hope no1 gets hurt, or i will seriously cry... ohh man i got the chills people on the tv keep talking about spiders =( and aHHhhHH!!! ya wow i am done i am creeping myself out.
tomorrow we are going to mott for team districts. really i am excited i just hope Q beats Wes or i will cry. i have realized every time i am on my period i complain about everything, and i just wanted to apologize for that. then again if i complain other people wont have too...WoW i have nothing to talk about. i wrote you a poem though =/
umm ya i would really appreciate it if people would stop commenting anonymously in my journal. just to clear a few things up i am not a whore....i do not eff every guy i see...i am still a virgin...i did not give rich a hj nor a bj thats discusting (sp)!!! ya the next anonymous commenter i get that offends me this shit is becoming freidns only. i am effin sick and tired of it >:o

sorry if i bitched at anyone yesterday or today...i really didnt mean it

...soo badly i wish i could tell you to your face...

2005-02-14T23:10:34Z

kevin,
i dont mean to sound weird or obsessed by any means, but for the past few weeks i have been thinking about nothing but you. obviously we are not meant to be, but something in my heart just tells me not to give up. you told me to m.o.v.e. o.n. and i did. however i always find myself falling back in l-o-v-e with you. i hear shit about you still liking shelby or whatever, but, thats your business not mine. i just wish i could show you how much of an impact you made on my life. you probably wont believe this, but when i told you i loved you...the 1st, 2nd 3rd, 4th etc. time i meant it....really i did. i know i am a screw up and i dont deserve to have you b a c k , but i just wish i could show you my love for you was soo true.
my friends are like y o u ...they tell me to m.o.v.e. o.n., but for a totally different reason. they believe i deserve better. honestly i dont know what is better than you. i was able to be myself around you (even if it didnt seem like it) and i trusted you. i know most of your friends hated me. well probably all of your friends, but i dont understand why?:-/ you mean more than the world to me!!! i dont know what else to say because you told me we will not get another chance. those hurtful words play over and over again in my head. yet i still w.i.s.h. we could try again (just one mor time). a promise is a promise and i would never break your heart. you really mean too much to me.
i want to be your freind soo bad. just go back to the way things once were. however i dont think i understand how bad i would hurt. everytime i see you i want to b-r-e-a-k down (which is no longer very much) and cry, but i stay strong because i dont want anyone to know how deeply i still am in love with you.....

love always and forever
Heather </3

happy valentines day to you too...
at least you said hello

yet another

2005-02-13T03:46:28Z

Think about this... You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. At least 2 people in this world LOVE you so much they would DIE for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A SMiLE from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you BELiEVE in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. FORGET about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

Repost this if you have a great friend or someone special, and take the time to let them know that they are great.

Apology Letter

2005-02-13T01:13:48Z

Dear everyone who is/was mad at me for events that happened at the LakeShore Meet,

I am sorry to everyone I hurt during the meet at Lakeshore. I never thought I would still be paying for that "mistake." I dont think my friendship will ever be the same with a selected f-e-w- people.
If there is any way I could go back in time. I definetly would. I know everyone has told me this before and i am NOW only starting to realize: Rich is someone who can hurt me. While he thinks its all fun and games! this is not my first time, nor my second time I was hurt by him. I wish i would have learned the first time....I dont need him. There are soo many other people in this damn world who would treat me one hundred times better then he ever would. He sasy he doesnt want to hurt the one he loves and I understand. However I do not understand how you can hurt others around you.
I really am sorry from the bottom of my heart. I should have listened, but I am like my daddy....I always (think) I know best.
I hope you all can find it in your heart to forgive me....

</3 Heather

i know it happened over a week ago but i honestly dont think any1 understand how sorry i am for NOTHING that happened. i wish i could show any of you.....he loves chelsea and not me. i honestly dont care because like i said i dont need him. however i just wish people would STOP saying shit like "they effed in the bathroom." " she only sat by him on the way home to give him a hj." "bj prolly crossed her mind too."
what the eff do you guys think i am? a ho or something....i am honestly still a virgin and i just wish rumors would stop. i am not a whore nor am i desperate>:o i would honestly do anything to take back that day. it hurts to know what your friends really do say behind you back!!

1st time since 1981

2005-02-12T23:21:24Z

wrestlers you guys all rock my world!!!...MAC GOLD CHAMPS

update later when i have more time <333

fade_away811 @ 2005-02-06T00:10:00

2005-02-06T05:11:45Z

EXCITED <3

yea...right...ok

2005-02-06T03:39:29Z

1. Copy and post in your LJ.
2. BOLD anything that is true.
3. Leave plain anything that is not true

001. I miss somebody right now.
002. I watch more tv than I used to.
003. I love olives.
004. I love sleeping.
005. I own lots of books.
006. I wear glasses or contact lenses. (suppose too)
007. I love to play video games.
008. I've tried marijuana.
009. I've watched porn movies.
010. I have been in a threesome.
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
012. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
013. I have acne free skin.
014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
015. I curse frequently.
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby.
018. I've been told I have a nice butt.
019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
020. I'm smart.
021. I've never broken anyone else's bones.
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
023. I love rain. (cuz no1 knows when u r crying)
024. I'm paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
026. I need money right now.
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
029. I have fresh breath in the morning.
030. I have semi-long hair.
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I shave my legs.
035. I have a twin. (some say me and amy look alike?)
037. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
038. I like the way that I look.(sometimes)
039. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
040. I know how to do cornrolls.
041. I am usually pessimistic.
042. I have mood swings.
043. I think prostitution should be legalized.
044. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
045. I have cheated on a significant other.
046. I have a hidden talent. (deep throating a sucker)
047. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have. (depends)
049. I am currently single.
050. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
051. I enjoy talking on the phone.
052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
053. I love to shop.
054. I would rather shop than eat.
055. I would classify myself as ghetto.
056. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
057. I'm obsessed with my LJ!
058. I hate everyone. (sometimes...currently)
059. I'm a pretty good dancer
060. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
061. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
062. I have a cell phone.
063. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
067. I have never been in a real relationship before.
068. I've rejected someone before.
069. I currently have a crush on someone.
070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
071. I want to have children in the future.
072. I have changed a diaper before.
073. I've had the cops called on me before.
074. I bite my nails.
075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
076. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.
077. I have a lot to learn.
078. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
080. I am very shy around the opposite sex.
081. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
082. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
083. I have tried alcohol before.
084. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
085. I own the "SOUTH PARK" movie.
086. I have avoided doing work to post on Livejournal.
087. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
088. I enjoy country music.
089. I have one best friend.
090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
092. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
095. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
096. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
099. I'm happy as of this moment.
100. I have gone scuba diving
101. Had a crush on somebody you have never met.
103. I play a musical instrument.
104. I strongly dislike math. (o god dont get me started :-))
105. I'm procrastinating on something right now.
106. I own and use a library card.
107. I fall in "lust" more than in "love."
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.
110. I'm obsessed with the tv show "Americas Next Top Model."
111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.
112. I am an entirely different person around different people.
113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
114. I think ramen is the best kind of food in the whole world.
115. I am suffering of a broken heart. (sorta)
116. I am a nerd. ha
117. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.
118. I am left handed and proud of it.
119. I often change who I am to fit in.(when i dated kevin)
120. My heart resides below my feet.
121. I am a Senior in High School.
122. I enjoy smoothies.
123. I have gastritis.
124. I have nothing better to do with my time.
125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
126. Most people call me by my middle name.
127. I once stole a music stand.
128. Pie confuses me.
129. I love NASCAR! (hahaha err body loves NASCAR)
130. I own over 200 CDs.
131. I work 7 days a week.
132. I need a job.
133. Straight boys kissing is hott.
134. People confuse the hell out of me often.
135. I'm as real as it gets(sometimes)

i am sorry i am not perfect

2005-02-06T00:12:02Z

I HATE HOW PEOPLE JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS

i am starting to realize why i have more guy friends than i do girl friends. girls like to stab you in the back. especially your best friends (well people you though were your best friends). they talk about you behind your back or lie right to your face. i just love it....

ThUrSdAy: i was really hyper all day in school. then at the wrestling meet i was still really hyper!!!:-) i am not sure why the hell people jumped to conclusions though. i am sorry i like to flirt? i just wish there was a way i could make everyone see nothing happened between me and rich. i may have been "seeing" some1 from mott but we are NOT dating! maybe i should have quit being the wrestling manager when i first said i was going too. then shit would have never been said and i wouldnt feel like i did something wrong. :-/ fRiDaY: school was pointless. one of my best friends is mad at me and i dont even understand why. she didnt talk to me at alll. we sorta had a note going around but that didnt last long. at lunch i sat with anthony, jeffy boy, and wilson. it was just a weird lunch and ya...we are walking out of lunch and wilson made me take her capichino (sp) out and it spilled all inside my hoodie:-( and damn was it hott!! so i borrowed anthonys hoodie yay! after school i went tp get my hair done it turned out ok...i didnt really care for it that much.:-( the dance was OK(my eye seemed to keep focusing on someone inperticular (sp) though. and ohh boy did HE look georgous...oopsy i mean) but i am never bringing any1 from another school ever ever again. and if i do i am gonna make sure he knows someone first. he was there w/me the whole damn time and i felt like my privacy was being invaded. it was kinda creepy. after the dance i got home around 11:30 and called anthony to get his address and then we went to jeffy boys soccer game. :-) all i have to say was it was a long ass night and i wasnt thinking straight....lmao his team landed up winning (i think) 8-6 ha no but idk all i know is they won. jeffy scored 1 goal..:-( he owes me 3 more though. ummmm yea:-) ToDaY: i got at at like 1:30 and really did nothing all day besides text message anthony. woo hoo!! dont ask i dont know what i am feeling right now....movies are a good thing to watch to get your mind off some things i guess, but dont watch something to do with love if your confused about the whole damn thing cause you may cry a bit...

love you...<3

PLEASE

2005-01-29T00:46:46Z

im bored and you are too (if you are reading my journal)...so your gonna fill this out for me=)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
*I died from suicide:
*I said I liked you:
*I kissed you:
*I lived next door to you:
*I stole something:
*I was hospitalized:
*I ran away from home:
*I got into a fight and you were not there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME:
~Personality:
~Eyes:
~Face:
~Hair:
~Clothes:
~Mannerisms:

WOULD YOU:
-Be my friend:
-Have sex with me:
-Lie to me to make me feel better:
-Spread rumors about me:
-Keep a secret if I told you:
-Loan me cash:
-Hold my hand:
-Take a bullet for me:
-Keep in touch:
-Try and solve my problems:
-Love me:
-Date me:

slowly healing

2005-01-29T00:15:27Z

its simple you will forever be out of my life </3....wow i cannot believe i am saying that, but i have notice you were only good to me while we were dating and now its like ummm NOO!! i really dont appreciate the shit you have said to me, but i will forgive you just because i hate hating people for stupid shit. you have truly changed me but it hurts way too much to be your friend. however i dont want to lose you. you confuse the shit out of me and you make me wanna....
yesterday we had a league quad at madison it started out awesome, but then ya by the end of the meet i was crying because s-o-m-e people are dumb.
school YUCK!!! 1st hour read the usa today?..and a yellow book. 2nd hour checked homework and got a worksheet (HOMEWORK) 3rd hour did a study thingy with jack and candice lunch i ate (be proud of me) 4th hour movie and notes (tried to sleep but marshall was being gayy) 5th hour presentations...they sucked mine was tooo short. 6th hour checked in homework and took a poll on people who are sick.
p.r.a.c.t.i.c.e. was ok..went to a computer lab with natalie and nikki so natalie could finish her BST work. i wore matt's hoodie. man at practice did i love him i was soo cold and he made my day by letting me wear it =) YYAAY!!!!!!=P
tonight i was gonna go to megans party, but i wouldnt be able to stay the night...soo then i wouldnt be able to drink. i just deceided to stay home...nikki was gonna come over, but i guess her mom is making her go to the mall with natalie to find a dress for sweetheart ookkk. jackie was gonna come over too, but i deceided to have NOONE over and have a night to myself =) i am watching Napoleon Dynamite. haha never seen the movie but its already funny as hell. tomorrow i have to be at the school for 7:30 haha mott has to be at their school for 7:00 because the bus leaves at 7:05. soooo excited get to see wesley tomorrow=) *note to self dont forget the guest pass for sweetheart tomorrow when i go to the meet.*

ya ok i am out my movie is getting reallllyy good and my phone is ringing again...

If I...

2005-01-28T23:02:04Z

if i were a month i would be: Feburary
if i were a day of the week i would be: Saturday
if i were a time of day i would be: Midnight
if i were a planet i would be: hmmm....Pluto?
if i were a sea animal i would be: A SeaHORSE
if i were a direction i would be: SouthO:-)
if i were a piece of furniture i would be: A BIG Coumfy Couch
if i were a sin i would be: DEATH
if i were a historical figure i would be: Rosa Parks
if i were a liquid i would be: Cherry Coke=)
if i were a stone i would be: Alexanderite
if i were a tree i would be: a palm tree
if i were a bird i would be: K.A.W.
if i were a tool i would be: Hammer
if i were a flower/plant i would be: Rose
if i were a kind of weather i would be: Rain (because puddles are fun and if you go walking in the rain no1 knows your are crying)
if i were a mythical creature i would be: Lepracon (sp hahaha)
if i were a musical instrument i would be: Guitar
if i were an animal i would be: s MONKEYYY
if i were a color i would be: Pink
if i were an emotion i would be: HAPPINESS (because being sad/depressed sucks)
if i were a vegetable i would be: Cucumber=)
if i were a sound i would be: heard all over the world
if i were an element i would be: oxygen
if i were a car i would be: hmmm....a black 2005 Porche
if i were a song i would be: FLY (hilary duff)
if i were a movie i would be directed by: uhhhhhhh........
if i were a book i would be written by: ha ya ok
if i were a food i would be: pizza because every1 would then love me =)
if i were a place i would be: the ocean
if i were a material i would be: silk...WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
if i were a taste i would be: ChErRy
if i were a scent i would be: A.D.I.D.A.S.
if i were a religion i would be: catholic??
if i were an object i would be: a ball
if i were a body part i would be: tounge (i want a penis lol)
if i were a facial expression i would be: a SMILE =D
if i were a subject in school i would be: english
if i were a cartoon character i would be: Tommy Pickles
if i were a shape i would be a(n): a HEART (thats not broken)
if i were a number i would be: 21
if i were a comic strip character i would be: Garfield =)

fade_away811 @ 2005-01-26T20:24:00

2005-01-27T01:25:38Z

GUESS WHO HAS A DATE TO SWEETHEART??

ME!!!!:-)

fade_away811 @ 2005-01-23T19:36:00

2005-01-24T00:37:42Z

blah...

......

2005-01-23T02:59:00Z

mid term week sucked ass...i got a d in 1st hour (geo), 2nd (intro marketing) hmm i really dont know a c maybe (if i am lucky), 3rd (english)hour b, 4th hour (entpreneurship) on 1/2 of it i got an a- dont know about the other, 5th hour (history) d :-/ and 6th hour (bio) 2nd highest grade in the class... haha still not good c-, but thats without the curve. mr. g said he may curve up to 10 points and if he does i get a b-...YEAH BUUDDDDDYYY!
i hate mids with a passion..i cant take test worth anything. i wish i was smart. (hahaha ya ok that will never happen) maybe i should have studied more for history and bio instead of going to the swim meet on thursday.

i am sick like no other..my temp is 104.2 and rising. just an hour ago it was 103.8. godi hate being sick. my thermastat is set at 87 and yet i am still cold!:-(

man i was commenting in someones jrnl and i realized sweetheart is in 13 days...WOW!!

please help me

2005-01-16T03:31:33Z

I NEED A NEW S/N SOMEONE/ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME THINK OF ONE!!!!

I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER</font>:-*

<3 LOVE LOVE

sweetheart?

2005-01-16T03:21:24Z

sweetheart probably not going. unless.....HE doesnt have a date and i get up the nerve to ask HIM to go.
i didnt go last yeat either because wait well i was suppose 2 go. i had a dress a hair appointment & everything. then *MY DATE* deceideds to be dumb and not enen buy the tickets:-( ya i am a little learly of going to any dance. i wasnt even sure i wanted to go to homecoming. am i glad i did?? yes i guess well at the time now i am questioning that decision.:-/

yesterday and today

2005-01-16T02:26:22Z

wow this damn livejournal shit is actually working again! YaY!!!!
anyways yesterdays practice was weird i though it was going to be really just due to the fact i was dizzy as shit in 6th hour, but i took my pills after school. lmao you could definetly tell i was on drugs...
i was sooo unbelieveingly HyPeR, after practice though i came home and my mommy even questioned my hyperness, but i swear it was not E. then later on that night i went with terrah, matt, and justin to the basketball game. it was fun the j.v. game wasnt over yet so we watched the end of that and sat with jillIAN, jeff and tim. god i havent talked to jeff in like foreve and a day and honestly it doesnt really bother me anymore just due to the fact of how much he has changed. when jeff left though damn i wish i would have never asked for a hug, because the last time that happened was back in 8th grade and yea it just kinda rekindled many memories i used to have for him. i had also mentioned i need to talk to him and to remind me. lets see is he will remind me if so he really does care:-/. woo...i think i sorta got jillIAN mad at me, but she doesnt understand thats its my life not hers! ya and tim is just dumb. i hate matt with all my heart he is just one of the meanest people i know and yea. pat baker had farted and it vibrated the whole bench the sad part was i felt it and i was only leaning up again the bleacher! hahaha varsity lost but j.v.:-) and freshman won? woop!
after the game i went back to terrahs and her step dad got us thinking about cawyana and man by the time we went to bed we were thinking of him in a speed-o. O:-).....when morning rolled around we wanted to go to mickie d's to get a mc cwyana, but we didnt have time, or so we though. we were all suppsoe to be at the school for 7, but stupidhead rishi-butter cup didnt get there until 7:45 so there for we couldnt leave at 7. damn him.!!! >:o
on the way to the meet (east detroit) i wanted too sleep soo bad, but everytime my eyes would close justing would elbow me!!:-/ (tears)....the meet was alright. mott wasnt there so i wasnt able to see wesley, but ya. natalie had another asthma attack and i was really worried about her. i love you NATALIE!!!:-* i almost passed out. i remember watching our B team vs lakeview. well i remember the beginning of the match (paulie won i think...woah i dont really remember anything that happened). then i started seeing double and by the end of the 7 mathces i was seeing triple. :-( i was leaning on terrah.....and manny, rich and justin were trying to get me to drink some water, but i was being stuborn and wouldnt.....and yea thats pretty much the last thing i remember because i was then magically in the cafeteria seeing mel handing to sugar food and a coke. wow i was a lil better in the end i was only seeing 1 1/2 thing instead of just 1. bridgewater and austin think i was faking it. bull shit my ass i was. thats why i was a bit pale too?? it sucked because i left my medication in natalies car at the school. oopsy:-( mike was getting really annoying. i just wish he didnt.....
nothing else really happened well stuff did happed but not worth talking about. NIKKI-OLA sorry i sorta yelled at you. i love you!:-( the bus ride home was a bus ride home. i did however fall asleep:-) and ohh man was i happy, but then i had to wake up. i just thought someone was talking about me tooo.:-/ natalie jumped radke's car and then she drove me home:-) YaY!!, and ya now i am home about to go take more meds. i am still really really dizzy. having hypoglycemia sucks, or w/e the eff i have. (i need to stop) nighty-night </3

something in your eyes makes me wanna lose myself in your arms.
there is something in your voice that makes my heart beat fast...

but there is just o.n.e. problem.

week after break....IT SUCKED!!!

2005-01-09T00:07:29Z

i honestly just wish this week would have NEVER happened. monday and wednesday were the only semi decent days...tuesday up until 6th hour i was fine. then i had a conversation with someone i thought i loved. (guess i thought wrong :-() he deceides to tell me how he doesnt want a relationshit and hes sick of me. he also doesnt want to lead me on anymore...ummmm ok?? we dont talk for a week and the nthis comes from where?? those words hurt like no other. sooo ok i did what you told me to do... i moved on (well tried) wednesday like i said was an ok day...practice was fun i talked to matt a lot :-). after wrestling i went with natalie and nicole to drop off tony at work and when i got home noone was there:-) OOPPSSYYY!!!! yAy! thursday AHHHHHHHHHH i hated that day most of all. we didnt have a snow day soo that really pissed me off, but whatever school was school. after school though i went with ray, rich, terrah, and scott to Jimmy Johns:-) ohhh yummmmyy. when we got back to the school i walked around with rich and he was being dumb, but hey i am dumb too so i told him a few unmentionable things while i listened to his LiEs </3 ya, but that day is done with and over with i am effing done with his shit and all i got to say is I WANT MY SHIRT BACK!!>:o damnit......i just dont understand i have n.e.v.e.r. done anything to him to be treated like shit. i get your "in love" but i am now starting to wonder what is love to you?? the meet was a blur the only thing i remember is i almost fell on my ass. haha i didnt want to be there and because of matt and rich i seriously thought about quitting. i just didnt have fun. *but i think its because i let my emotions take over and i cried*.:-/ i do wish me and matt would have talked more....blah, ya no more need to no detail. the only thing i liekd about that day was talking to my friend brandon that i havent seen in over 3 years:-D <3
yesterday at practice i played poker (on my phone) and with the luck of the draw i had 3 4 of a kinds (150 points a piece) and 14 full houses :-) (80 points a piece) while in between i got a lot of 10 pointers. haha by the end of practice i had 1030 points. matt bridgewater told me i was a good poker palyer and we should throw a poker party at his house. STRIP POKER...terrah better were lots of clothing. after practice i went sledding til about 8 and i had a blast...i havent seen my cousin and her friends in like forever. then i came home took a HOT BATH and clearled my mind. after that i had a conversation with my mommy and she made me rwalize life and the situatuion i am in....man do i love her. this morning my alarm didnt go off at 6:30 so my mom comes downstairs at like 7:15 and is all like heather get your ass outa bed you have to be at the school by 8.man did that suck....the wrestling meet today was alright i met this kid from marlette and he has been calling me non stop haha
anthony won 1st place...tony got second...quinton 5th...ray 5th...mattie 5th....and ummm justin 7th?..i dont know anymore results, but as a team we placed 9th!!! GOOD JOB BOYSS!!!!:-) now i am home tired and not feeling too wonderful....:-/ NAP TIME....well i will probably put in a movie and then nap.

i wish

2005-01-05T00:24:08Z

i wish...

we never met
i understood why you treat me like this
i knew what she has that i dont
i understood why my heart feels the way it does
there was a way to make you see i am sorry for w.h.a.t.e.v.e.r i did
i could believe the words "I DESERVE BETTER!!!"
i could make you see my life is not a cup of tea
you knew how bad i hurt
i could go back in time

and MY BIGGEST WISH
that we never ever went out (TWICE)

I HATE YOU!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2004-12-31T03:22:44Z

i am not going to be home tomorrow or saturday because i am going to jaclyn's uncle's house!!!!

YAY!!!!!

HAPPY 2005 to EVERYONE!!!

hopefull this will be a good year for all.....

ohh GOOD LUCK to michigan...rose bowl YEAH baby:-):-P
(lets not be embarassed like last year) woo-hoo!!!!!

<3 love muchly

grown aprat

2004-12-31T01:51:00Z

this afternoon i started cleaning my room, but i didnt get very far. i came across 2 notes and some pictures. and then wouldnt you know it i began to think of all the fun times we shared.
back in 8th grade i made a terrible mistake and dumped the one i s.t.i.l.l. have feeling for (to this day)....i guess you can say we werent meant to be. friendship is the best thing between us? however after we brok up we almost went back out...but 2 of my others friends also liked him and being the nice friend that i am....yea! we were friends through out that year, but friends is not what i wanted. i wanted something more. he didnt:'( so i tried to move on i even dated his best friend (at the time)....the feelings inside were still really strong. toward the end of the year i brok my femur and after i got out of surgury i called him. the feeling he put inside of me was soo amazing i cant even begin to explain. summer happened and we didnt talk much....then my daddy started being gay and he was the one i went to because i trusted him with my life! my freshmen year me and him became really really close....he knew everything about me. when i was feeling down he was there by myside...last year was a really weird year my feeling for him were still really strong, but like i said friendship was for the best. whenever i was on the verge of crying or i was thinking bad thoughts he was still able to put a smile on my face. :-)...NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!! i also realized how much i was hurting and i didnt wanna live here anymore, so i figured i would move in with my uncle, but then again i kept putting it off for fear of losing HIM as a friend. we were so unbelieveingly close and it just warmed my heart everytime i saw.spoke to him. we had some weird moments (lol), but then on the same note we had our ups and downs. like friends do we got through it.....
over the summer we hung out a few times and we were still really close. then august 11? came and it was time for me to leave. i waited for this day and it had finally come. i was moving to virginia and i never wanted to look back. however my feelings changed and rearranged within 3 weeks i was back in michigan. i dont remember why i said i moved back here, but the real reason was because i missed him and i couldnt picture me not seeing him in school. haha what a joke we now have NO CLASSES together and if i see him its only before i go to lunch (and he goes back to class). me and him are not as close as we were last year, and to tell you all the truth i miss him sooo much, because without him and his words of advice i may not be here today....he has helped me through everything.
now and again i think of what i can do to become close with him again, but i cant help but wonder if he misses me as much as i miss him? i guess everything happenes for a reason, but i dont understand what this reason is. he was soo good to me and now it seems like he is only a memory in my head....

i wish i could take back last year....i miss you!!!:-(